I have for the past five weeks been plagued by a severe feeling of burnt out, which made me even hate the profession that I have been in for almost 29 years. Taking vacations or simply a break from my routines, however, didn’t work to get rid of tiredness, resentment, and stress.
Because as a Subud member you shouldn’t be feeling pressured, I tried to find out what caused this severe level of burnt out. Helped by accident by a Subud brother (who happened to be a newly appointed helper in the South Jakarta Subud branch) who in his Latihan was able to identify the source, I observed myself (niteni) every time I am around this person-in-charge from the company of one of my clients, a woman in her mid forties. It was proven that the receiving of the previously mentioned Subud brother was true—that it was indeed the PIC who was toxic.
Seeing that I continued to drag on with burnt out feelings, my wife encouraged me to ask my jiwa for a way out. I received that I have to have the courage to decide whether or not to continue working with the toxic PIC and/or the company she was representing—and not be afraid of losing my fortune, because sustenance comes from God, not from my clients.
Last Saturday, I tapped the gavel: “I’m sorry, I quit! Please continue without me.”
Immediately at that moment the feeling of pressure and burnt out was extinguished. I felt very happy, and my motivation was revived.
My experience of being helped
unintentionally by a Subud brother made me realize that what is called the “kejiwaan brother- and sisterhood” is
essentially the connection of one’s feelings with all of one’s Subud brothers
and sisters. Harmony, therefore, is not a condition that can be forced to
manifest with our personal will, but a true nature that has equipped us since
we were created.©2023
Pondok Cabe,
Tangerang Selatan, 26 March 2023
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