I think I’m in crisis. During the two days of Muswil (Musyawarah Wilayah; the Regional Meeting of Subud DKI Jakarta, 16 to 17 September 2023), I spent more time in my room sleeping and continuing to receive the vibrations of the Latihan. I have been sick since Monday last week, which is the result of the accumulated burden of thoughts, feelings and energy over the last two months through mounting work and my relationship with a Subud sister that went like hell— from straight to a tangled thread!
Through the events of the past two months, I have been “invited” to get to know myself a lot, through “two-way” conversations with my jiwa. I often feel incredible amazement, mixed with fear, when I witness how God shows miracles through me. I felt His presence inside and outside me, covering my whole life, and at the same time it was shown to me that I had no abilities whatsoever—everything are only driven by God’s power!
Various solutions to the problems I have faced in the past two months have come from His guidance, and always seem crazy, very genius, very out-of-the-box, which I could not have done if I only relied on my mind.
I witnessed how God moved me and the people involved in this two-month dynamic like a chess player moving pieces on a chess board. God always places my piece one or more steps ahead.
Every time I do Latihan in Pamulang, there is
an intense connection with Bapak’s jiwa. I received a lot there, yet sometimes
I wasn’t strong enough physically or mentally, which made me sick for a day or
two.©2023
Pondok Cabe,
South Tangerang, 19 September 2023
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