NOT long before the start of the fasting month of Ramadan, I received that I must do the five daily prayers and Tahajud during the month. I was of course surprised because I had stopped doing the Islamic prayers for many years. Two years before I found Subud, I quit being a muslim and became an atheist.
Since the first day of fasting on April 13, I have returned to do salahs. Just before suhur, I do Tahajud, and throughout the day I perform the salah five times. I do it with pleasure, because I feel the Latihan guided my movements and recitations.
But, my Latihans, aside from the ones I felt in my act of praying, were really unpleasant. I felt myself like a stone statue trying to get out of my restraint and become a living human being. During the first twenty days of Ramadan, I could not find out what caused my Latihans so unpleasant. On the contrary, my salahs felt comfortable, with the vibrations of the Latihan accompanying them.
When I did Latihan together with many others at Cilandak Hall
on May 2, 2021, my Latihan felt even more burdensome. It was then, I asked
myself why is that. Suddenly, I burst out laughing in the Latihan, and at the
same time I received the answer: “You pray with your mind and nafsu in front, while your jiwa is behind them, many steps behind.
That way, you gradually become a soulless piece of hard object. Always let your
jiwa lead in front, and don’t let
your nafsu and mind enslave you even
in matters of the sharia.”©2021
Pondok Cabe III, Tangerang Selatan, 3 Mei 2021
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