A Lesson on Total Surrender

ON the fourth Night of Power in the Ramadan month of 2023, I attended a kejiwaan gathering at Wisma Indonesia, within the Wisma Subud Cilandak compound. Kejiwaan gatherings have been held since the first Night of Power, last April 11, and I attended all of them.

At the kejiwaan gathering of April 17 (which lasted until predawn, April 18), I shared my experience about total surrender, after Area 1 International Helper Suryadi Sumohadiwidjojo told us about the time he explained to a member from Brazil who had no idea what surrender is. Suryadi explained to him in an analogy: Imagine yourself in a speeding car, suddenly there is a wall in front of you. You just can’t think or do anything. The only thing left is to surrender.

Exactly like the analogy told by Suryadi, that was what I experienced on Saturday morning, April 15. After dropping my daughter off at her school, I rode my motorbike at normal speed, heading back home. On one road, suddenly my consciousness “moved” to another realm, the scenery of which was foreign to me. That, I felt, was short-lived, and by the time I got back to reality, my motorbike was already traveling at high speed, while five meters ahead of me another motorbike was about to cross the road. It was too late for me to hit the brakes!

It was then, I felt all thoughts and nafsus disappear; I felt myself empty, as if my life had been taken away. No panic nor fear. The collision was inevitable. I bounced into the air, but felt comfortable like floating in the clouds. And fell on top of the person whose motorbike I hit and who was crushed by her own motorbike.

With the help of two eyewitnesses, I was able to stand up. Not only did I feel no pain, but my body was intact, unharmed in the slightest. Not even a scratch. My motorbike also only had minor damage. What was most miraculous, for me, was my feeling of indescribable joy!

After finishing business with the person whose motorbike I hit, I went home, still feeling joyful, and my inner kept on chanting “God, God, God!”

When my wife guessed that I probably fell asleep while riding my motorbike, I jokingly said, “No. It seems like Lailatul Qadar fell on my head and momentarily blinded my eyes.”©2023

 

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 18 April 2023

Laku Prihatin

PADA likuran malam ke-23 Ramadan 1444 H., yang jatuh pada hari Kamis, 13 April 2023, diadakan sarasehan kejiwaan di Pendopo Wisma Indonesia, di Wisma Subud Cilandak, Jl. RS Fatmawati No. 52, Jakarta Selatan. Temanya masih sama, yaitu tentang manfaat puasa, tetapi pada malam ini tekanannya adalah pada laku prihatin.

Semua hadirin sepakat bahwa puasa merepresentasi laku prihatin dalam pengertian “membatasi diri dari segala kesenangan atau kenikmatan duniawi”. Saya pribadi sebenarnya tidak setuju jika prihatin diletakkan dalam konteks itu. Berbeda dengan arti “prihatin” versi Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia, yaitu (1) “bersedih hati, waswas, bimbang (karena usahanya gagal, mendapat kesulitan, mengingat akan nasibnya, dan sebagainya)” dan (2) “menahan diri”, kata itu dalam bahasa Jawa mengacu pada “hidup dalam kesederhanaan” serta “hati-hati” (mawas diri).

Di tengah ramainya pelontaran pendapat saat sarasehan kejiwaan itu, saya, yang lebih banyak MLM (merem, lerem, marem), menerima pemahaman bahwa secara etimologis (asal-usul pembentukan kata), kata “perhatian” dalam Bahasa Indonesia adalah ekuivalen dari “prihatin”, atau, sebaliknya, bahwa asal kata “prihatin” adalah “perhatian”.

Dalam tradisi Buddhisme, “perhatian penuh” (mindfulness) adalah landasan dari semadi/meditasi, untuk membiasakan kita hidup di saat ini secara sadar. Dengan kesadaran, apa pun yang kita lakukan selalu disertai mawas diri, agar pikiran dan perasaan, perkataan dan perbuatan kita tidak melebihi kapasitas. Dengan begitu, kita dimampukan secara spontan untuk membatasi diri dari kesenangan duniawi tanpa merasa terbebani, malah justru daya nikmatnya bertambah besar dan langgeng.

Menurut apa yang pernah dan sering saya alami, makan makanan dengan kesadaran (atau dengan “perhatian”) akan memberi kita rasa lezat tiada tara, dibandingkan bila kita makan tanpa perhatian sama sekali. Tanpa perhatian yang menumbuhkan kesadaran, makanan hanya lewat mulut kita begitu saja, masuk ke pencernaan, tanpa sensasi yang berkesan kuat. Dengan perhatian, sebaliknya, makanan kita “surgakan” melalui proses memakannya, menghasilkan rasa lezat yang sangat kuat.

Jadi, dalam konteks tulisan ini, “laku prihatin” membentuk kondisi pembatasan diri dari kesenangan duniawi yang dengan itu kita memperoleh kenikmatan surgawi. Saya rasa, karena itu, puasa sejatinya adalah cara Alam membawa kita kepada kebahagiaan yang hakiki dalam menjalani hidup di dunia ini.©2023

 

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 14 April 2023

Bebas Paradigma

BERULANG kali saya tekankan pada sejumlah saudara Subud saya, jangan gunakan paradigma agama untuk mengerti tema-tema Subud, karena pasti tidak nyambung, meskipun tampaknya relevan. Tuhan dan ketuhanan bukanlah monopoli agama, meskipun sebagian besar dari kita belajar mengenal Tuhan melalui ajaran agama.

Agama sendiri lahir dari pengalaman indrawi seseorang yang membuatnya istimewa hingga orang lain ingin memperoleh atau meraih hal yang sama. Pengalaman tersebut lantas dituangkan menjadi serangkaian teori yang dijadikan pedoman bagi siapa pun yang ingin mendekati Tuhan, sedangkan Tuhan tidak bisa dijangkau dengan teori.

Sekuens historis semacam ini juga dilakukan oleh tarekat-tarekat berbasis tasawuf. Tarekat Qadiriyyah misalnya, selama ini dianggap didirikan oleh Syekh Abd’ al-Qadir al Jilani, padahal bukan. Tarekat itu didirikan oleh pengikutnya setelah sang Syekh wafat, karena pengikutnya ingin melestarikan ajaran-ajaran sang Syekh serta sebagai sarana mempelajari dan melatih amalan-amalan al-Jilani yang menjadikannya istimewa.

Untuk bisa sintas di Subud, yang paling utama adalah membebaskan diri dari paradigma apa pun. Dengan pikiran penuh paradigma-paradigma sebelumnya akan menjadikan Anda ibarat cangkir penuh air yang berharap diisi dengan air yang lebih jernih--tindakan itu hanya akan membuat airnya meluber ke mana-mana, terbuang percuma.

Paradigma adalah cara pandang orang terhadap diri dan lingkungannya yang akan mempengaruhinya dalam berpikir, bersikap, dan bertingkah laku. Paradigma juga dapat berarti seperangkat asumsi, konsep, nilai, dan praktik yang diterapkan dalam memandang realitas dalam sebuah komunitas yang sama.

Contoh sederhana dan paling akrab dengan kehidupan kita adalah ketika orang dari budaya A menilai budaya B sebagai buruk, karena orang dari budaya A belum pernah mencicipi apalagi menyelami budaya B. Baru-baru ini, seorang anggota wanita dari Subud Kanada mengkritisi seorang pembantu pelatih di Surabaya yang dalam cerita yang saya tulis di Facebook Group Subud Around the World secara spontan menyebut "watch porn, or whatever" (tontonlah film porno, atau apa pun). Itu ucapan spontan yang dilatari budaya Arek Suroboyo yang blak-blakan, apa adanya, walaupun bukan begitu maksud sebenarnya. Lagipula itu obrolan santai, bukan konsultasi serius seorang anggota (saya) kepada pembantu pelatih.

Apa pun alasannya, si anggota Kanada tidak dapat menerimanya. Ya, begitulah bila Anda memandang budaya orang lain dengan paradigma budaya Anda--sulit tercapai kata sepakat!

Paradigma bersifat semu, dan hanya sangat sedikit membantu kita untuk memahami diri sendiri, orang lain maupun korelasi diri kita dengan orang lain. Paradigma hanya menghambat kita dari melampaui batas ruang dan waktu, sedangkan eksistensi Pencipta kita tidak terbatas ruang dan waktu. Ia malah dikungkung oleh paradigma agama, menurut pengertian-pengertian akal manusia.

Untuk dapat menerima bimbingan Latihan Kejiwaan, diri kita harus lepas dari paradigma. Kita harus menerima apa pun yang datang ke kita, sekala maupun niskala, dengan sabar, tawakal dan ikhlas serta berani. Berani untuk menyingkirkan paradigma.@2023

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 2 April 2023

Let the Problem Solve Its Own Problem

AFTER today’s (2 April 2023) suhoor (Ramadan’s pre-dawn meal), before going back to sleep, I joined a chat on one of Subud Indonesia’s WhatsApp groups. There was one member being teased by other members after he confided in a serious problem. I shared my experience with him, which I meant as a serious input, but as it seemed like a joke, I myself wanted to laugh out loud when I re-read what I shared.

So, here’s the story... (I wrote it here exactly what I posted on the WhatsApp group but in English.)

When I was just opened, many years ago, I went to the house of a helper in Surabaya, East Java, to talk about my particular problem, which I felt was so burdensome that it put me under pressure. The helper laughed the whole time I was telling him about my problem. Seeing the way he was behaving, I really wanted to punch him, but I held myself back; apart from the fact that the helper was much older than me, I had also just been opened.

Helper: “Well, why do you have to face that problem? If it comes, you just leave it!”

Me: “Doesn’t that mean I’m running away from reality?”

Helper: “Why do you have to run? That’s really tiring! You just sit back and relax, watch porn or whatever. Problems will eventually get tired and bored of themselves approaching you, if you don’t respond.”

At that time, I thought, yes that’s right! I even made fun of myself: Only an idiot would face a problem and then succumb to it.

In my further journey in life, after listening to the light and funny advice from the helper, I often just let it go when problems come, and witness how the problem “resolves itself”.

Responding to my post on the WhatsApp group, a Subud brother shared a snippet of Bapak’s talk which is something like this: “If your surrender really seeps into all of your inner feeling, any big problem will disappear, like a drop of dew in the sun.”©2023

 

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 2 April 2023

Jangan Pernah Mendahului KehendakNya

SATU saudara Subud dari Cabang Jakarta Selatan pernah bercanda bilang ke beberapa anggota baru yang bercerita bahwa semua rencana yang telah mereka persiapkan dengan matang seringkali gagal total: “Saat manusia berencana, saat itulah Tuhan tertawa! Dia akan meledekmu, ‘Yakin kamu, sedangkan Aku sudah mengatur segalanya bahkan sebelum kamu diciptakan?’.”                                                

Saudara Subud ini mengatakannya bertahun-tahun yang lalu tapi kata-katanya, meskipun bercanda, memberi kesan tersendiri bagi saya, sehingga terus menancap di benak saya. Sejak itu, saya selalu mempersiapkan “rencana abjad” (jika rencana A gagal, masih ada 25 huruf lainnya dalam abjad). Bercanda!

Yang tidak bercanda, saya tetap membuat rencana, tapi ikhlas atas apa pun hasilnya.

Pengalaman saya baru-baru ini terkait dengan candaan-tapi-serius dari saudara Subud itu. Dua minggu sebelum Ramadan, saya mengungkapkan kepada istri saya bahwa saya berniat tidak berpuasa. Alasannya sederhana tapi konyol: Udaranya selalu panas tiap kali Ramadan.

Hingga beberapa minggu sebelum Ramadan, Indonesia diguyur hujan tiap hari. Sebagai seorang pluviophile, saya amat menyukai hujan dan keadaan basah nan sendu yang tercipta olehnya. Tapi tiba-tiba, sekitar satu minggu menjelang bulan Ramadan, hujan berhenti turun, menyisakan udara panas yang membuat badan tidak nyaman karena berkeringat terus-terusan. Itulah yang membuat saya berkata kepada istri, “Kalau panas begini terus-terusan selama bulan Ramadan, aku berencana tidak berpuasa!”

Saya juga enggan berpuasa karena saya sedang banyak sekali pekerjaan dan terlalu sibuk untuk tidur terlalu awal dan bangun dini hari buat sahur. Intinya, saya tidak ada niat.

Tetapi rupanya Tuhan berkehendak lain. Dia menertawakan rencana saya, dan membimbing saya untuk berpuasa tanpa perasaan berat atau enggan. Ketika memasuki bulan Ramadan, saya dimampukanNya untuk menjalankan puasa tanpa beban atau perasaan susah dan tertekan. Dan hujan pun kembali turun, hampir tiap hari, yang oleh masyarakat Indonesia secara tradisional dianggap berkah.

Di hari kesembilan puasa Ramadan, hari Jumat, 31 Maret 2023, ini saya “mendengar” tawa Tuhan mengiringi ledekanNya, “Yakin kamu?! Jangan pernah sekalipun mendahului kehendakKu!”©2023

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 31 Maret 2023 

The Blog Helper

 

I was recently called by someone representing the organizing committee of a story-telling competition, who told me that the story I wrote about my journey that led me find Subud wins 2nd place, and because of that it was selected to be shot and the video to be uploaded to the Youtube and Instagram accounts of the competition organizer. Not bad a gift for Eid.

Starting as a whim, after being WhatsApped by a Subud brother who knew that I am a copywriter, I didn’t have to think twice about which life story I wanted to tell about.

The most memorable life story for me was my journey of discovering Subud. I started with a disappointment in my religion, which never taught me HOW to have patience, trust, and sincerity, how to let go and let God, but only instilled in me the WHAT and WHY. I then became an atheist, and ended with my introduction to an advertising practitioner in the city of Surabaya, East Java, who is also a helper for the Subud Surabaya Branch.

Winning this story-telling competition gave me an awareness that today’s society, which had just been hit by a global pandemic, is thirsty for spirituality. And that it’s time for Subud to come out of its shell to quench the public’s thirst.

Even before this competition, I have written about my kejiwaan experiences in a personal blog. While most members do not want to share their involvement with Subud, fearing negative perceptions from their social circle, I free myself from such negative feelings. As a copywriter, I have to keep sharpening my creative knife by writing just about anything. It is more useful for me to write down my experiences with the Latihan Kejiwaan. And I never experienced what many of my Subud brothers and sisters were worried about. In fact, I made many new friends from all over Indonesia and abroad, who were inspired by my stories on the blog. Not a few also joined Subud.

Hence, a helper in Cilandak jokingly nicknamed me “the Blog Helper”.©2023

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 29 March 2023

The Process of Getting Something in Subud

THIS is an old and true story that recently filled my memory again and I posted it on one of Subud Indonesia WhatsApp groups as an example to new members that a critical attitude is necessary in dealing with helpers who sometimes stray in giving explanations.

When I was just opened for about a month, after a group Latihan I really wanted to smoke but I forgot to bring a pack of cigarettes when I left my house to the Latihan hall. I saw a pack of cigarettes in front of one helper and I hoped he could read my mind that I wanted one and hoped he would offer me to share the pack of cigarettes.

What happened instead was that the helper, in an arrogant manner, asked me, “During the Latihan, did you meet Jesus?”

During the Latihan, I raised my right arm high while my left palm is pressed against my right chest, while I walked around the room saying many times, “Jesus is my shepherd!”

I answered the helper’s question, “No, sir, I didn’t meet Jesus in my Latihan.”

Another helper sitting next to the arrogant one said to belittle me, “He’s new, he’s not in that level yet.”

“I met Jesus once in my Latihan,” said the helper, still arrogant.

Feeling really annoyed with him, I immediately said, “Is that so? Well, I once met Bapak in my Latihan. Bapak told me, ‘Son, don’t believe everything helpers told you about before you experience it yourself’.”

The smug helper’s face became tense. I thought he would be mad at me. But what happened next, he laughed out loud and split his pack of cigarettes with me.

Ouch! What a difficult process I had to go through just to get a cigarette in Subud.©2023

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 27 March 2023