Jangan Pernah Mendahului KehendakNya

SATU saudara Subud dari Cabang Jakarta Selatan pernah bercanda bilang ke beberapa anggota baru yang bercerita bahwa semua rencana yang telah mereka persiapkan dengan matang seringkali gagal total: “Saat manusia berencana, saat itulah Tuhan tertawa! Dia akan meledekmu, ‘Yakin kamu, sedangkan Aku sudah mengatur segalanya bahkan sebelum kamu diciptakan?’.”                                                

Saudara Subud ini mengatakannya bertahun-tahun yang lalu tapi kata-katanya, meskipun bercanda, memberi kesan tersendiri bagi saya, sehingga terus menancap di benak saya. Sejak itu, saya selalu mempersiapkan “rencana abjad” (jika rencana A gagal, masih ada 25 huruf lainnya dalam abjad). Bercanda!

Yang tidak bercanda, saya tetap membuat rencana, tapi ikhlas atas apa pun hasilnya.

Pengalaman saya baru-baru ini terkait dengan candaan-tapi-serius dari saudara Subud itu. Dua minggu sebelum Ramadan, saya mengungkapkan kepada istri saya bahwa saya berniat tidak berpuasa. Alasannya sederhana tapi konyol: Udaranya selalu panas tiap kali Ramadan.

Hingga beberapa minggu sebelum Ramadan, Indonesia diguyur hujan tiap hari. Sebagai seorang pluviophile, saya amat menyukai hujan dan keadaan basah nan sendu yang tercipta olehnya. Tapi tiba-tiba, sekitar satu minggu menjelang bulan Ramadan, hujan berhenti turun, menyisakan udara panas yang membuat badan tidak nyaman karena berkeringat terus-terusan. Itulah yang membuat saya berkata kepada istri, “Kalau panas begini terus-terusan selama bulan Ramadan, aku berencana tidak berpuasa!”

Saya juga enggan berpuasa karena saya sedang banyak sekali pekerjaan dan terlalu sibuk untuk tidur terlalu awal dan bangun dini hari buat sahur. Intinya, saya tidak ada niat.

Tetapi rupanya Tuhan berkehendak lain. Dia menertawakan rencana saya, dan membimbing saya untuk berpuasa tanpa perasaan berat atau enggan. Ketika memasuki bulan Ramadan, saya dimampukanNya untuk menjalankan puasa tanpa beban atau perasaan susah dan tertekan. Dan hujan pun kembali turun, hampir tiap hari, yang oleh masyarakat Indonesia secara tradisional dianggap berkah.

Di hari kesembilan puasa Ramadan, hari Jumat, 31 Maret 2023, ini saya “mendengar” tawa Tuhan mengiringi ledekanNya, “Yakin kamu?! Jangan pernah sekalipun mendahului kehendakKu!”©2023

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 31 Maret 2023 

The Blog Helper

 

I was recently called by someone representing the organizing committee of a story-telling competition, who told me that the story I wrote about my journey that led me find Subud wins 2nd place, and because of that it was selected to be shot and the video to be uploaded to the Youtube and Instagram accounts of the competition organizer. Not bad a gift for Eid.

Starting as a whim, after being WhatsApped by a Subud brother who knew that I am a copywriter, I didn’t have to think twice about which life story I wanted to tell about.

The most memorable life story for me was my journey of discovering Subud. I started with a disappointment in my religion, which never taught me HOW to have patience, trust, and sincerity, how to let go and let God, but only instilled in me the WHAT and WHY. I then became an atheist, and ended with my introduction to an advertising practitioner in the city of Surabaya, East Java, who is also a helper for the Subud Surabaya Branch.

Winning this story-telling competition gave me an awareness that today’s society, which had just been hit by a global pandemic, is thirsty for spirituality. And that it’s time for Subud to come out of its shell to quench the public’s thirst.

Even before this competition, I have written about my kejiwaan experiences in a personal blog. While most members do not want to share their involvement with Subud, fearing negative perceptions from their social circle, I free myself from such negative feelings. As a copywriter, I have to keep sharpening my creative knife by writing just about anything. It is more useful for me to write down my experiences with the Latihan Kejiwaan. And I never experienced what many of my Subud brothers and sisters were worried about. In fact, I made many new friends from all over Indonesia and abroad, who were inspired by my stories on the blog. Not a few also joined Subud.

Hence, a helper in Cilandak jokingly nicknamed me “the Blog Helper”.©2023

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 29 March 2023

The Process of Getting Something in Subud

THIS is an old and true story that recently filled my memory again and I posted it on one of Subud Indonesia WhatsApp groups as an example to new members that a critical attitude is necessary in dealing with helpers who sometimes stray in giving explanations.

When I was just opened for about a month, after a group Latihan I really wanted to smoke but I forgot to bring a pack of cigarettes when I left my house to the Latihan hall. I saw a pack of cigarettes in front of one helper and I hoped he could read my mind that I wanted one and hoped he would offer me to share the pack of cigarettes.

What happened instead was that the helper, in an arrogant manner, asked me, “During the Latihan, did you meet Jesus?”

During the Latihan, I raised my right arm high while my left palm is pressed against my right chest, while I walked around the room saying many times, “Jesus is my shepherd!”

I answered the helper’s question, “No, sir, I didn’t meet Jesus in my Latihan.”

Another helper sitting next to the arrogant one said to belittle me, “He’s new, he’s not in that level yet.”

“I met Jesus once in my Latihan,” said the helper, still arrogant.

Feeling really annoyed with him, I immediately said, “Is that so? Well, I once met Bapak in my Latihan. Bapak told me, ‘Son, don’t believe everything helpers told you about before you experience it yourself’.”

The smug helper’s face became tense. I thought he would be mad at me. But what happened next, he laughed out loud and split his pack of cigarettes with me.

Ouch! What a difficult process I had to go through just to get a cigarette in Subud.©2023

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 27 March 2023

The Essence of Harmony

I have for the past five weeks been plagued by a severe feeling of burnt out, which made me even hate the profession that I have been in for almost 29 years. Taking vacations or simply a break from my routines, however, didn’t work to get rid of tiredness, resentment, and stress.

Because as a Subud member you shouldn’t be feeling pressured, I tried to find out what caused this severe level of burnt out. Helped by accident by a Subud brother (who happened to be a newly appointed helper in the South Jakarta Subud branch) who in his Latihan was able to identify the source, I observed myself (niteni) every time I am around this person-in-charge from the company of one of my clients, a woman in her mid forties. It was proven that the receiving of the previously mentioned Subud brother was true—that it was indeed the PIC who was toxic.

Seeing that I continued to drag on with burnt out feelings, my wife encouraged me to ask my jiwa for a way out. I received that I have to have the courage to decide whether or not to continue working with the toxic PIC and/or the company she was representing—and not be afraid of losing my fortune, because sustenance comes from God, not from my clients.

Last Saturday, I tapped the gavel: “I’m sorry, I quit! Please continue without me.”

Immediately at that moment the feeling of pressure and burnt out was extinguished. I felt very happy, and my motivation was revived.

My experience of being helped unintentionally by a Subud brother made me realize that what is called the “kejiwaan brother- and sisterhood” is essentially the connection of one’s feelings with all of one’s Subud brothers and sisters. Harmony, therefore, is not a condition that can be forced to manifest with our personal will, but a true nature that has equipped us since we were created.©2023

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 26 March 2023

Accept What is Given

ONE of the helpers who served me during my three-month waiting period before being opened once said that he, as a Muslim, had abandoned the sharia. I didn’t comment on it because at that time I also didn’t adhere to any religion (I left my religion two years before joining Subud). However, one day I received news that he had gone on pilgrimage to Mecca.

Upon returning to Indonesia, without meaning to ridicule him, I asked him why he had gone on pilgrimage. “I was invited by my daughter, who paid me and her mother for the trip, so I just accepted. Don’t fight back the reality,” he replied.

That answer brought my memory back to the moment I had a chat with the Youth Indonesia coordinator, about ten years ago. He recounted his confusion after presenting Youth Indonesia’s plan to Ibu Rahayu, namely holding the Retracing of Bapak’s Journey from Semarang to Yogyakarta, which participants would do on foot.

According to the Youth Indonesia coordinator, Ibu neither rejected nor opposed, but neither supported as well. “Why do you have to walk? Nowadays it’s not like before—we used to walk, because we didn’t have a vehicle and there were still very few cars. Today, there are lots of cars, there are buses and trains too. Why do you have to walk? Use what you have, don’t make things difficult for yourself,” said Ibu, as told by the Youth coordinator.

I think that’s what differentiates Subud from other paths. Subud does not prohibit or oblige its members to abstain from “the realities that exist in this world”. The principle is simply accept what is given. The Latihan is like that, we just receive and follow that receiving, without arguing, rejecting, or fighting back.

As an example of this is my following story.

I had four years of affairs with four different women. Please, don’t be so quick to judge me, “Oh, how come someone who has received God’s guidance had done something bad like that?!”

Don’t think I enjoyed it; how could I enjoy it when all I got was just trash from the lower forces that came from those women. I was often angry, disappointed, confused, sad, for no reason! I tested myself and found that the negative feelings were coming from my cheating partners, everytime I was thinking about them. To overcome it, I had to surrender the feelings, by doing the Latihan.

Not a few Subud brothers and sisters in Jakarta criticized my behavior, but the helpers in my home group in Surabaya, East Java, asked me to accept it sincerely, because they had tested it and received that I was being “taken apart for cleansing”.

“Just accept it, but don’t violate what is not His guidance. Later you will know why you have to go through this situation. Everything happens for a reason,” explained the Surabaya’s senior helper.

With the advice of that senior helper, I patiently accepted a very painful mental torment for four years. Miraculously, not long after this painful process was over, I met a helper in Cilandak who lent me a photocopy of Emmanuel Williams’ book, Loving: The Spiritual Aspects of Sex. That book confirmed everything that I had gone through in those four years. (Contemplating the contents of the book would be of great use to members in Indonesia, I eventually spent ten days translating it into Bahasa.)

That was when I understood the meaning of the expression “Receive and Follow”. Just accept the reality, so we can get used to appreciate what we already have or what we are facing in our life.

I remember talking about the turmoil the above-mentioned Youth Indonesia coordinator was going through, when a number of Subud brothers and sisters and I went to Sukamulya, last March 19, 2023. When many asked me to walk along with them from the Latihan hall near the gate of the complex to the hill where Bapak’s grave is located, I replied calmly, “There are cars here, I will use it. Why bother going on foot.”©2023

 

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 23 March 2023

Dealing with a Demotivated Person

HERE is what I said recently to a nephew who lost motivation because he had been given an empty promise by his father:

“The biggest mistake that most people make in their lives is believing too much that things are the way they are meant to be. It’s even okay for you not to believe in God. Are you disappointed in life? Yes, go ahead! But as of me, I don’t want to be disappointed, because I don’t want to hurt myself. If you dare, change your life, no matter what people say—they can only talk but don’t want to help. Change your life the way you want.

You asked me a couple of times why I joined Subud. I joined Subud because it’s the only place where I can be myself, where I’m free to go crazy, where I’m free whenever I want to believe or not believe in God. You just sneered at me because I mocked God, but you’re depressed, right? Well, I’m not depressed, because no matter how much I mock Him He always gives me a way to make me happy.

The first thing you have to do is free yourself. From anything! You become sluggish like this, because your father broke his promise, right? Forget it, it’s over! Motivate yourself, that without Mom and Dad, me and Aunty, your siblings, Grandma or anyone else, you can be someone that you can depend on. It doesn’t matter whether you will be successful or not, what matters is that you can do what you love.

And if you are tired, weary, bored, burnt out like I am right now, just take a break for a moment, don’t drag on. It’s really fun if you can be yourself, not dependent on other people, not affected by other people’s praise or insults.”©2023

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 22 March 2023 

A Walking Sponge

MY educational history, from elementary to university level, was not brilliant. Even though I studied for an undergraduate degree in history at a well-known and prominent state university in Indonesia, i.e. the University of Indonesia (UI), which entrance exams were very competitive, this did not put me at the forefront of educational achievements. With a GPA below 1.75, I was twice threatened with being kicked out of UI.

My brain is indeed weak in analyzing and my enthusiasm is very low in terms of structured learning as generally implemented in schools. “Likes to daydream” was the note teachers often put on my elementary school report card in the Netherlands. I only got good grades in Drawing, Essay Writing, and English—which equipped me well after I pursued a career as an advertising copywriter.

A helper in Central Java who is also a professor at a university in the area where she lives once told me, after having a long conversation with me about various fields of study, that I am rich in knowledge. “Has it always been like this, Mas Arifin?” she asked.

I couldn’t give her a definite answer. Everything I said “just fell out” without me thinking about it first.

There was a moment in my life where someone I thought was a genius actually thought I was a genius. In 2019, I got a project to make an in-house magazine in English from the Indonesian Navy Headquarters, including editing the articles and becoming one of the contributors. Naval warfare and maritime defense was then completely new to me.

When interviewing me as a potential vendor, the Head of the Indonesian Navy Information Service, a rear admiral who was also a lecturer in strategy at the Indonesian Naval Staff and Command School, gave me only one month to study naval warfare and maritime defense. Surprised, I said to him, “What? That’s unfair, sir! You yourself studied four years at the Naval Academy, how come I’m only given one month?!”

His decision didn’t change; I was still given one month to learn something that to him was something he was already good at.

To my surprise, the Latihan followed through my learning-while-working process that I went through for one month. I have never intentionally used the Latihan in matters concerning my work—just as Bapak said that when we do an enterprise, we shouldn’t use the kejiwaan, but use our mind and nafsus instead. But what can I say, the Latihan has been part of me from the moment I was opened, whether I intend it or not. It will automatically work, leading me to dive into a whole new world and grace me with ever-increasing enlightenment. I become a walking sponge that easily absorbs whatever I approach with sabar, tawakal and ikhlas.

With the Latihan, I experienced a “think without thinking” state which apparently made learning very easy for me. (This sometimes makes me regret why I wasn’t opened earlier; I could be the smartest student at UI!)

When the magazine was finally launched and the Indonesian Navy Chief of Staff was very satisfied with my work, the rear admiral who headed the Indonesian Navy Information Service complimented me, “You are a genius, Pak Arifin! Within one month you are already fluent in naval warfare and maritime defense.”

I thought to myself, “That’s because of the Latihan Kejiwaan. I’m not who you think I am.”©2023

 

Pondok Cabe, Tangerang Selatan, 20 March 2023