Green with Envy

Green is one of my all-time favorite colors. I love green—all shades of it! So I guess it figures that God would use my love for green to teach me some serious lessons.

Green is the color of balance and harmony. From a color psychology perspective, it is the great balancer of the heart and the emotions, creating equilibrium between the head and the heart.

From a meaning of colors perspective, green is also the color of growth, the color of spring, of renewal and rebirth. It renews and restores depleted energy. It is the sanctuary away from the stresses of modern living, restoring us back to a sense of wellbeing. This is why there is so much of this relaxing color on the earth, and why we need to keep it that way.

Green is an emotionally positive color, giving us the ability to love and nurture ourselves and others unconditionally. A natural peacemaker, it must avoid the tendency to become a martyr.

I’m not sure which author first used the color green as a symbol for envy in literature. I’m going with Shakespeare. But I can tell you that the green-eyed monster was at the root of many struggles in my psychological walk throughout my teenage years.

The way I see it, there are two ways that envy affects a person’s life: you are either the target of someone’s envy or you are the very embodiment of envy yourself. For me, being the target is the worst! All of my psychological life, I’ve desired to be the person that God asks of me. I strive to exhibit SUBUD-like qualities in my character, in my personality, in my relationships, and in my walk with God. Even as a copywriter with wild imaginations and fantasies, I wanted to have integrity in my friendships, my goal-setting, and in taking care of the physical appearance that God gave me.©1 October 2015

Rona Kehidupan

Kesahajaan dan kesederhanaanmu

Laksana daun hijau pupus yang hening
di permukaan air bening

Tak hendak riak-riak menggoda ketenanganmu

Merengkuh kehidupan keji
dengan kelembutan diri tertuntun Ilahi

Terlindungi DzatNya yang meliputi semesta berbaju kasih abadi

Tatkala engkau larut dalam sujud berserah diri...

Pondok Jaya, Jakarta Selatan, 28 September 2015

I Am a Coffee-Writer—Oops—a Copywriter Who Drinks Coffee

A perfect start for my day is to have a cup of hot and fresh coffee. I give a lot of importance to coffee in my daily life. Coffee and tea have a defined space of our diet. Almost 80% of the people in the world have coffee or tea. Most of us are addicted to these drinks. We have them to relax, refresh, relieve, and activate our body. Each of us has our own purpose of having them. These are classified as beverage drinks with a different aroma, that drives one away from the world for a second at least. Most of them prefer to consume a lot of soft drinks whenever they go out. But we know how soft drinks impact on health.

When I am holding a cup of coffee, the warmth radiates through my hands, forearms, and shoulders. The smell wafts through the air from the dark caramel color, almost black. The whole experience is sensual, and helps my sleepy self wake up to greet the day with gratitude and a tranquility that I feel from this warmth. It induces a peaceful demeanor, which invites me to meet God and my own thoughts. In these moments, I review the previous and forthcoming days, reflecting on both the harder and easier parts in order to create my hopes for the new day.

Now, I hang out mostly in coffee shops, where I can enjoy my time with a fresh coffee.***

Palupi (2)

Dari jauh kubaca engkau seperti sebuah buku
yang ceritanya mengalir seperti angin menerpa wajahku

Kata-kata yang tertata, kalimat yang berkerangka
Berjalin kelindan, mengungkap sebuah kisah tentang asa
Menangkup jiwa dan raga dalam sujud serah diri kepada Yang Kuasa

Hening tenteram mengada, menerangi cakrawala
Kala kusebut namamu dalam detak nada:
Palupi, engkaulah sebaris rindu dalam doa
yang kupanjatkan sepanjang masa...

Kalibata, Jakarta Selatan, 23 September 2015

My Life Since The “Opening”

Being OPENED in SUBUD, receiving the Latihan Kejiwaan for the first time ever, was one of the most significant periods of growth in my life. I spent my life afterwards in reflection, exploration, creativity and development. There were release of things I had no idea I was still holding onto which created immense room for expansion. In this new space, I found myself learning to harness my intuition and doing one of the bravest and creative things I have ever done: starting a business.

I appreciate the quiet and still days since the OPENING where I could feel my roots getting deeper and stronger. In the stillness, my soul embraced faith, hope and grace; such a perfect word for this. I learned what it felt like to receive and give this beautiful gift. This is where love thrives and blossoms in ways unimaginable. It is truly a place of awe and wonder. My heart has learned the art of healthy detachment and also UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. 

I think one of the most significant shifts has been from passion to vibrancy. For years I felt that the fire inside me was passionate. It was an intense, unstable flame, searching for fuel to burn and grow. It fed everything I came in contact with. But now, I see this fire inside as a steady, vibrant light. It radiates and does not destroy. I learned to harness the passionate flame to create a vibrancy inside. 

My life since I was opened in SUBUD was of steady growth and reaching for the sky from a place of expansion. There were no grand trips to faraway lands, but I think the trip inward made my life much more significant. I am ready to see what else my life has in store. I can’t imagine the treasures and secrets it holds. I am excited and so very grateful.

Kalibata, South Jakarta, Indonesia, September 25, 2015

Palupi

Seperti cantikmu menyambut pagi
Seperti itulah aku menyapa dengan kasih
Tak terperi rinduku mengucap cinta kepada bening matamu
Yang menatap jalan berpohon rindang, tertiup angin yang menyeru namamu:

Palupi, engkau teladan sempurna ciptaanNya
Engkau petunjuk arah cinta kasihku
Menyelaraskan pelukan damai hari-hariku 
dalam hening jiwa menyatu...

Kalibata, Jakarta Selatan, 14 September 2015

Cinta Yang Kosong

Cintaku padamu kosong

Kosong dari aku
Kosong dari jeratan nafsu
Kosong dari akal yang memalsu
Kosong dari semua itu

Cintaku tak punya dasar selain kamu
Bukan cinta namanya bila ada arti seribu satu
Aku mencintaimu karena kamu
Kenapanya, hanya Tuhan yang tahu

Aku mencintaimu dengan jiwa yang abadi
KepadaNya aku berserah diri,
Karena dariNya cinta ini berasal dan kembali...

(Mampang Prapatan XV, Jakarta Selatan, 18 September 2015)

The SUBUD Part of Me

There are a few areas in my life which help me feel centered. One is my spiritual journey. I was raised with a religion—in fact my mother was very religious for she came from Aceh, a province in Indonesia that is well-known for its strict imposition of the sharia.

In my late twenties I felt something was lacking. I sensed that this world I lived in wasn’t the whole story. I was attracted to Buddhism, but I was eventually clear that that didn’t work for me.

For the last 16 years I have been an active member of SUBUD (Susila Budhi Dharma), an interfaith, cross-cultural spiritual association originating in Central Java, Indonesia, with a worldwide membership. 

SUBUD centers around a practice called the Latihan Kejiwaan, simply means “spiritual exercise”. This exercise is not thought about, learned or trained for; it is unique for each person and the ability to “receive” it is passed on by being in the presence of another practicing member at the “opening”. 

Latihaners are advised to surrender to the Divine and follow “what arises from within”, not expecting anything in advance. One is recommended not to focus on any image or recite any mantra, nor to mix the Latihan with other activities like meditation, but simply to intend to surrender to the Divine or the will of God. Outwardly, the exercise often manifests as physical movement and vocal activity that vary greatly both over time and between individuals.

Back in the early days after I was opened, I was trying hard to be “spiritual”, as were so many. But learning how Bapak (that is what Subud people address Muhammad Subuh Sumohadiwidjojo, the founder of SUBUD) acted—so light!—gave me the clue that getting happy was really the way to go. Not an easy task—a life-long assignment! And now I feel that, without a sense of humor, there is no hope. But with a sense of humor—well, who knows? Even though we are just a funny old barrel of monkeys!

The Latihan has become my breath, my life; it guides me to live life to the fullest. It directs me to find the real me.

I love being the SUBUD part of me.